I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize