Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
