It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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