is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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