Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
