DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
FUCK WHALES
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