I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
