its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
