***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
