Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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