Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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