Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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