I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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