home. puking in laundry basket.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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