DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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