Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
