i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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