Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
