dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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