I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize