just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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