I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
