YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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