I got chris browned last night
Plan B is the new Plan A
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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