Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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