She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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