I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
