doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
