It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
