I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize