new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I deserve this hangover.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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