All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
