we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
