I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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