I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
