This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
