just tell him i said nine months
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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