Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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