i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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