A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My feet surprised me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
