Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
