do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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