420 ftw
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
