He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
