I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
