i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize