we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
