Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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