Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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