He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
