Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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