Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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