4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize