I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
