5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
