it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
