you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
