mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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