she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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