Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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