So drunk its hurt
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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