Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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