Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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