He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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