The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
