Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
