I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
