did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
