i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize