Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
