weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
