I must be too annoying 4 u.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize